


20 Things to Know About Kryptonians Before F@€king One

by Evilpixie



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU, Superman - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-11-07
Packaged: 2020-12-27 11:57:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21118403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evilpixie/pseuds/Evilpixie
Summary: A list by Bruce Wayne.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文-普通话 國語 available: [20件你需要知道的小事在艹一个氪星人之前](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23484937) by [Qzhm](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qzhm/pseuds/Qzhm)
  * Translation into 中文-普通话 國語 available: [【翻译】让他妈的蝙蝠侠本尊高潮的20种方法 20 Ways to Make the Goddamned Batman Come](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25711705) by [lokitsch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lokitsch/pseuds/lokitsch)

1\. That motherfucker can and will look at the electronic activity in your nerves and brain to judge the intensity of your orgasm so he can learn how to make you come harder than you've ever come before.

2\. He will also listen to your heart and breathing so he learns exactly how to arouse you when he wants you aroused.

3\. He won't go soft after one orgasm.

4\. Or two.

5\. Or three.

6\. Expect to be woken up on sunny mornings for sex.

7\. Expect him to want to cuddle and sleep in on cloudy days... right when it's finally cool enough to do some work.

8\. He will spend hours making you come if you don't stop him.

9\. 100% monogamous (more's the pity). If you try to watch pornography with him he'll spend the whole time watching you, enjoying your reaction but not the performance.

10\. Kryptonians produce a high amount of ejaculate and precome. Invest in durable washable towels.

11\. He likes kissing. A lot. Not sure if a Kryptonian thing or a Clark Kent thing.

12\. Incredible sense of touch. Could probably feel every grain of sand on a beach. Useful tool for when you finally get a chance to turn the tables. Soft touches are best. Use of various different fabrics and textures produces interesting results.

13\. VERY sensitive on the back of his neck. Further investigation required.

14\. Kryptonite is not a toy and should not be used as such. Radioactive materials stay out of the bedroom.

15\. Lead laced blindfolds and sound cancelling technology on the otherhand can be very useful. Be aware how profoundly necessary but also isolating it can be for someone used to seeing and hearing the whole world to suddenly be cut off. Always keep physical contact during this time.

16\. Don't disregard the usefulness of flight in the bedroom.

17\. Kryptonians rarely sweat. If he is, you're doing something right.

18\. Can be frustratingly dense at times. Don't expect him to read between the lines when it comes to proposing new sexual activities.

19\. Well endowed. Expect difficulty first time. Worth the effort.

20\. Gets somehow even more gorgeous the older he gets. Bastard.

_Hey B. Found this at the bottom of the draw. You're adorable. We'll talk about number 18 when I get home. Love, C_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if anyone was hoping for something bigger from me. I wrote this during my lunch break and wasn't planning on posting it but some people in Discord said I should and... well... I've never been much good at resisting peer pressure. 😊


	2. Chapter 2

_Hey B. You can roll your eyes at me if you like but after the utterly amazing time we had the other night going through your list I thought I’d write one of my own. See you at dinner. Love, C._

**20 Ways to Make the Goddamned Batman Come**

A list by Clark J. Kent

  1. Dirty talk. He responds best to simply spoken explicit promises. My personal favourite though? Telling him what it’s like being fucked by him as its happening. If done well enough he may even join in.

  1. Be rough. Not too rough… but rough enough that he feels it. Then, afterwards, you can be gentle.

  1. He is not as immune to kissing as he likes to pretend.

  1. Some days he needs to be in control. Those are good days.

  1. Some days he needs to have absolutely no control. Those are also very good days.

  1. Keep your hair just long enough for him to grab. It’s worth it.

  1. He is fine with, and sometimes even likes, superpowers. It’s still hard for me to remember this sometimes, B. I’ve never used any powers in the bedroom before you. I don’t know if you know that. Most people I had sex with didn’t even know I was Superman. It’s been really amazing exploring things like flight and sex with you. I just wanted to say that.

  1. He can and will break out of any restraints you put him in. Let him. It’s amazing to watch. And hot. If you really want him not to move you’re going to have to hold him and even then you have to keep an eye on him.

  1. The best way to fuck him is down into a mattress. It’ll give him enough friction to come and you’ll get a pretty amazing view of that arse.

  1. Face to face has its advantages too though.

  1. Don’t rush, especially when it comes to oral. He’ll have better orgasms if you go slow. And yes, observing electronic activity in the brain is a pretty good way to figure out exactly how to make him go from enjoying something to absolutely loving it.  
  
You came for four minutes straight last night, Bruce. Sue me.

  1. If he suddenly goes quiet that doesn’t mean he isn’t enjoying it. Most of the time it means the exact opposite.

  1. Make yourself available after his workout sessions. He’ll often come out of them with more energy than he had going in. Be ready to bottom.

  1. He enjoys looking at, but not sleeping with, other people. Let him look. It’s hot watching him get turned on. Pornography is great for this and also sometimes gives him ideas.

  1. Leave the supersuit on. A basic move perhaps, but you can’t argue with the results.

  1. In the same vein: sometimes there is nothing better than destroying a batsuit.

  1. He has a scar slicing through his left nipple. This is the most sensitive scar on his body. Use it wisely.

  1. He’s a fucking master at sensation play. Probably learnt it from a monk on some hilltop somewhere. It’s intense, especially when he pulls out the lead lined blindfold, but nothing can hide the way his own heart picks up pace seeing you shiver and squirm.  
  
So squirm for him. Don’t hide anything.

  1. He has a fucking amazing body. Worship every square inch of it.

  1. He gets even more beautiful the older he gets. And you started off better looking than me, B. You’re winning this race and I wouldn't have it any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is, once again, the result of peer pressure from Discord. I hope you like it.
> 
> P.S I left my job a little less than a week ago and am going to be moving home very soon. It's a very exciting but also scary time for me. If there is any delays in responding to comments right now that will be why. Thanks. :-)


End file.
